Belief

Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create that fact.

Believe that it isn't. And your belief will create that fact too.

Friends

Friends of good times aren't really friends. If you've never seen bad times, you don't really know whether you have friends or not.

Good Stuff

It's actually good to be full of yourself, that way you know you contain good quality stuff.

See, don't Imagine

The magic begins when you stop trying to imagine, and start trying to See.
Because when you imagine things, you and your mind both know it doesn't exist, and agree to create. But when you try to see things, you know it exists, you just have to show it your mind.

Honest

 

Abyss

I am a Very talkative person by nature. As proved by the needlessness of stating what I just did in the former statement. So, to fill that need of talking, I have this blog, I have friends, and I facebook, and sometimes participate in forums. And in this one forum, someone asked, 'What's your favorite Quotation?' and I posted this:

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.”

— Fredrick Nietzsche

As I has posted this one, I decided I would this another one on that blog as well. This one is by the same author, and it goes like this:

When you stare in the abyss long enough, the abyss stares back at you.

I have to confess, I can Never say I quite understand what it means, but the idea I get from it, fascinates me. Also, what fascinate me the ideas other people get from it when I ask them about it.

I see the 'abyss' as 'something incomprehensible, seemingly infinite, and obscured', and I see the 'staring long enough' as 'focusing' and I see the 'staring back' as 'revealing itself'. You know, how Iqbal also says, Aflaak se aata hai nalon ka jawad aakhir, Kartay hain khitab aakhir, uthtay hain hijab aakhir...

What is your favorite quotation? And what do you think about the ones I have shared here, especially Iqbal's?

Good Question

Wahaj: I mean check out the stud in this pic with the phone.
Me: Oh God Wahaj!
How did you guys put up with me?!
Wahaj: good question
but a better question is how are we still keeping up with you?!

T9

Just yesterday I was texting while traveling in a qinqi (It's a three-wheeler sort Richshaw) and I remembered that one time when I was texting in train, and I had made a friend. He saw me texting and asked me how did I use the predictive text to type so fast, and then the rest of some time was spend me explaining him, showing him, and also showing him how some desi words could also be entered into the list of supported words. So, back to the qinqi. I was thinking, what if that day, that guy had asked me the name of that functionality, and what if I had said, it's called T9. And he would have asked, why is it called T9? Then I wouldn't have any answer. And though I am very comfortable with having no answers, and saying I don't know. But I got curios for my own sake, and decided to look at up. So if you don't know what T9 means, here it is for you: Text on 9 keys. Haha... so predictive. 

Some Useful Words

Just today I was writing an email, in that I had to inform the recipient that I had done what he had asked me to do the Friday before the last, that is November 30 (today is December 09, so last Friday was December 7...) So immediately one word that I had heard some time ago came to my mind. The word was... preantepenultimate. Now I know what you are thinking... where in the world could have I heard this? Well, let's just not talk about that, okay? Okay... So from that word another word came to mind. Penultimate. And guess what does that mean? Second from the last, i.e. second-last. Exactly the word I am looking for, for that email. And I type 'penultimate' in the email, and I look at what I have typed. And I think, man this guy would think I am a freak! He would think I went out of my to find a word that means exactly this thing, to show off. Now, yes, I did go out of my way to confirm and recall the word, but it was Not for showing off. It was, for the sheer respect for the creator of the word ;) Anyway, so I didn't use that word. There. Instead I decided I will make this growing list of such words, which are so so so useful, but which no body seems to use, we always use their alternatives, since they're so commonly used. I am not limiting the list to English words, Urdu words are as much welcome, but I guess mostly will be English.

penultimate - second last
soorat e haal - condition, situation
bandy - to pass back and forth, or to pass around freely (gossip)

Well, these are the ones I can think up right now, if you know any words that you think we're better off using more of, let us know in the comments below.

Doesn't Matter

And you said it will stop mattering. That I could just shrug it off, and it will be gone. That it's all in my head.

UPDATE: You were right.

Quora

These are some of my most favorite Quora questions. I am posting them here to have a record of them, because Quora doesn't let you bookmark a question. It lets you follow it, but that way you get a ridiculous number of notifications. We don't want that. So here it is.

You might also like that. If you want to know which of the answers I liked best, look for my votes (is it possible to look for my votes? meh...)

They're from different themes and genres, but I am dumping them all here. Will organize them if they grow too many. Sharing on facebook is an option, but having them in one place is a better one!

Note: This posts will mutate over time.

http://www.quora.com/What-is-it-like-to-be-incredibly-funny
The first answer here, I exactly feel the same. And I am not even considered funny by many. But I feel that way.

http://www.quora.com/Programming-Languages/In-laymans-terms-what-are-the-major-programming-languages-and-what-are-they-used-for
The one with the most votes!

http://www.quora.com/What-are-the-best-stories-about-people-randomly-meeting-Steve-Jobs
All answers are nice. That's how I felt with Ariz Zaman all the time :)

http://www.quora.com/PhD-Careers/If-a-PhD-doesnt-go-into-research-or-industry-in-his-or-her-chosen-field-or-specialty-what-is-he-or-she-actually-more-qualified-than-college-graduates-to-do

100$ to Invest

Ben Nesvig ‏@BenNesvig: If you had $100 to invest in self-education every month, where would you allocate the money?

Answer:

You don’t really need more than $100 a month to self-educate. Here is what I would do:

- read biographies and books about any topics that interest you. Most books are fairly cheap on Kindle or you can sit in bookstore cafes and read them.

- draw and/or paint. This gets the neurons firing in areas that have been lying dormant for awhile.

- by cheap pads (waiter pads, for instance), and just free form write down ideas, observations, thoughts of things you want to try.

- go to a museum and try to find at least ten things you didn’t know before that excite you.

- go to at least one networking event. Or dance class. Or something you never would’ve thought of trying. Just one. Don’t pressure yourself into suddenly doing kickboxing ten times a week.

- study yoga. And not just the physical exercises but the reasons behind each one. The reason a move twists a certain way, breathes a certainway, the history of that move throughout thehistory of yoga, the reasons for doing the physical exercises.

Who's good, who's evil?

Humans are a mixture of good and evil. Pure good are Angels. Pure evil are Devils. But every human has a combination of both. By that understanding, one can say that no matter how wretched a person one considers, one can always find something glorious about that person. Similarly, no matter how respectable a person one considers, one can find something censurable about that person (save the Prophets, whom the God have protected from folly).

How then can any person be evil, or moral?

That is not the point. The point is, whether that person good to you. Are you better in the company of the said person than you are without it, if you are, then the person is good, good for You. And if you are worse in the company of this person than you are without it. Then this person is corroding for you.

Tauheen-e-Sunnat

If there's tauheen-e-sunnat going on, it's only because you yourself did tauheen-e-sunnat. Every single Muslim is a cartoon of the Sunnah. Every single Muslim male is a pictorial cartoon of the sunnah of the prophet sallallahwasallam.

— Shaykh Kamaluddin, On Blasphemy.

Stealing Slippers from Masajid

So while coming back from work a friend (Farrukh) started talking about another colleague, who had his 5000 bucks slippers stolen from masjid, the second time. And when he complained to the Imam sahab, the cleric simply gave him a pair of slippers from the spare ones which are there to be worn to the washroom.

So hearing this, Arshan told of a story of a guy who had come to a buzurg (a wise, pious man), and told him that he was afraid his slippers would get stolen from masjid. The buzurg told him one thing. He said that whenever you're entering the masjid and leaving your footwear outside, always make a prayer to Allah that whoever steals your stuff, doesn't earn gunah ('Jo bhi mera maal churaye ga, woh us per halal hoga, haram nahin hoga.'). When I heard this, I said yeah cool, but this seems like a very difficult thing to do. Because you can't even get the sucker in next life then! But then, Arshan explained what the priest meant...

The idea was, when people steal, the theft is always initiated by Shaytan's suggestions. And Shaytan always suggests things to a person which are most harmful, least beneficial. So for example, a student worrying whether he should study or watch a movie, will always be suggested by Shaytan to watch a movie; but a Student worrying whether to offer salat-e-tahajjud or study, will always be suggested to study. Anyway, when the next time a person who's need of money or slippers (or just wants to steal a pair of slippers) will come by,  Shaytan will try his best that he doesn't steal Your footwear, because then, he won't commit a sin! And so, Shaytan will lead him away to other slippers... This way your slippers are protected.

I think the same idea can be applied to other times as well. Just before bargaining, just say a little prayer to Allah, that if he charges me more than he should, I want that extra money to become charity from my side, not something that will come as wrong doing to him, I want that money to become halal (lawful) to him. If he does end up charging you extra (because you're gullible or inexperienced or something) then you are not robbed, instead, you've donated and earned so much more!

Simplicity

This is just plain simplicity. But people's biases and familiarity and training with complex and complicated thoughts, behaviors, actions has made it so abstruse for them.

It's not complicated, it's simple. To get it, think less. Think clear. Think.

A walk in a partk

So once I was telling Wahaj on chat once about my morning walking/jogging I had started (and stopped) doing with Sharjeel; here's a small excerpt from the chat:

me: there is this mark
next to the munawwara part
first day we went to munawwara partk
but the next day the weather was to good to goto that part
so we went to this one
which we've been going to since then
Wahaj: in total you have tried to write park 4 times, but have failed to spell it correctly even once.

Kinds of people I hate

Asghar tells me that I've always said that there are four kinds of people that I don't like. Like   they really really tick me off when they're in my company, or more importantly, they're the people I have to deal with on regular basis. And, right now, I don't remember what those four people are. Actually, that's not what Asghar tells me, what he tells me is that I always forget the fourth one while enumerating the four types.

Well, let me try now, let's see if I remember any.

1) Arrogant people. 

This has got to be on the top. I will add the explanation later.

2) Fake people. 

Okay, so basically, everyone's fake. We all hide ourselves, which makes this this world a live-in-able place. So what we call fake are just the people who're faker than us. That's the case usually. But there are some people wayy off the median. The kind that will pretend to be sophisticated, educated, rich when they're talking to people of lower-class than themselves, etc etc. Their confidence rests on their gadgets, their hair color, their new slick first-copy of Gucci eye-wear, or their ability to cuss.

3) Dumb people. 

I always put them at number three, because I thought they deserved to be hated less than the other two... but do they? I mean, they are what you come across the most. A person who's arrogant, sure, but you don't find too many of them that are unbearable. A person who's fake, well, there are so many, that you get used to them, and after a while it's a nuisance. But dumb people? Oh... they surprise you Every Single Time. And they are a lot!

This hasn't got anything to do with IQ. This is sheer, absolute lack of desire to think! This hasn't got anything with the ability or inability to think. It's just that these people don't see things, don't get jokes, don't think before they make a joke, or say something blunt, or see the point unless it's presented to them on a platter, or keep arguing after they've been proven logically incorrect. They just start blabbering on about something else. God! These people have made me such a quieter person! This phenomena is also seen in the number one category, of arguing when the argument is really completed, but arrogants are the worst, because they keep arguing Even When They Know They Are Wrong! Sometimes, what they're arguing against is something they themselves agreed to, like two days ago, but now, since it's brought up in relation to their something they do or have done or have said, their arrogance binds them to disagree.

4) Stealthy people

Hey Asghar, guess what? I can finally articulately define the fourth kind here. These people, they don't give you clear answers. They don't say no. You can see through them! They would use lies, non-lies, tricks, jokes, all sorts of cunning to just avoid a clear cut talk. To not say what is the Truth. To not tell you they will break the promise they made. To try to appear nicer than they are choosing to be. If you're playing like a bitch, own up to it, bitch!

Saad, are you a gamer?

Social Science chick: Saad, are you a gamer? I am writing a paper and I need to do some research.
Saad: I am a player. Would that do? ;)

Read 'em

Ernest Hemingway
Jane Austen
Tim O'Brien
Rudyard Kipling

Quote, Unquote

Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion.

— Robertson Davies

How I lost 12 kg

I have been on healthy diets, very successfully. And I have shown Drastic changes, getting stronger, leaner, over very short periods of time ( 90 days) and losing like 15 kgs of fat while putting on muscle.

Though it worked, I couldn't sustain it. Specially when life is filled with other moments, where your will is torn open, or simply because you travel a lot (I do), or have two families (I have :p), or when you are moving from student life to practical life ( I did, and that just took away all the free time I had!).

So now I am taking it easy. Really easy. I am not wanting to ( I am wanting to, even expecting, but I shouldn't) get impressive results. That's it. Not impressive. It will be so slow, and so natural, that even my folks won't notice. So Instead of working out 100 minutes a day, or even 60, I am just focusing on working out 15-30 minutes a day. Or if not that, then at least 30 push ups!

Regarding nutrition. Which prompted me to write this post. Well. I have done three successful diets in my life, and none of them was unhealthy. I got positive results from each of them, gaining muscle and losing fat with each (I rarely do anything without first educating myself about it, so I rarely follow fad diets, or buy into pre-packaged plans, I come up with my own stuff, mostly).

Let me talk about the 2nd time I took fitness seriously. At that time I ate two parathas in breakfast, along with two fried eggs. A cup of milk, a cup of coffee (I know, I know, stay with me, will ya?) and then for lunch, I had a corn cooked over coals, no oil or anything added to it, just some lemon and spices for taste. My lunch costed me 15 bucks! I was interning then, and was staying alone (without friends or family, since it was vacations) in LUMS over summer. So I could pull it off. I drank three of four coffees a day (two of them with sugar) because I used to feel very lethargic because of the diet.  Then by dusk I reached home, had a coffee without sugar but with a few biscuits. And went for a workout. This was a Really gruelling workout. Every session was painful. I was pushing myself in Every workout. Everday I did something more than last day. Either in running, or in weights, or in strictness of form. And then for dinner. I ate PDC ka salad. Now that's not real salad. The total is like 100-200 gm of chopped onion, cucunbers, tomatoes, carrots, etc. And it was So dull, that I had to have it with vineger. And some days, I was so tired that I didn't have the energy to eat this (the workout Was gruelling!), so I just went to bed hungry (Do you understand the breakfast now?). On weekends I partied. Steaks, burgers, milk shakes, ice creams. My every weekend was an outing with friends of eating crazy. I loved that time! I even got the bonus for performing excelling work at that internship!

Why Yes I do, you handsome devil you :)

Ramadan Schedule!

So Ramadan was around the corner, people were talking about it. In particular, one of my friends Waqas, told me, "Saad, is dafa Ramadan ki tayyari karni hai!" (Saad, this time around we have to get ready for Ramadan). Also, one day, while reading from a book, I stumbled upon a hadith that talked about Ramadan's blessings. So, all this is to say, that this Ramadan didn't catch me by surprise.


Anyway, when on Friday night, it was finally annouced that Ramadan crescent has been sighted, and I reached home after taraveeh, I sat with my sister and tried to come up with a Plan for this month. This was more of a schedule of important things, guidelines that I Needed to follow. So I wrote it down, and got my sister to sign it under the heading of 'Enforcer'. Haha... This was the plan:

1. No computer usage after coming home from work. As in no computer after 5 pm. Period. 
2. Meditation after Isha. 
3. Recitation after Fajr.
4. No fried stuff in aftaar. 
5. No coffee or tea. 
6. Workout after Maghrib. 

Well, it went great. Some things I implemented with great success, and some things I wasn't as successful. Needless to say, it felt great. The first week felt great. There were some issues, of course. Firstly, the shape that I am usually in isn't much kind to offering taraveeh. So I got a bad backache. Secondly, I got crotch itch. This wasnt a good experience really. I have the memories a bit hazy about which happened when, but they all happened in the first week. There was one good news in the first week too! Wahaj's visa got processed and he was said to leave on the second Tuesday of Ramadan. So he gave an Aftaar party on the Saturday before it. And I met all my friends. And while my shape had gotten pathetically worse over the last two years, I was very impressed to see that guys especially Hamza Javed and Danish Zafar were doing really good. They were working out regularly, and eating very disciplined protien based diets. I got a lot of inspiration and a lot of tips too!

So I was set that I would workout too! Just fifteen minutes. That's all. So I googled '15 minute men's home workout' and something came up. It was basically five exercises, done in a circuit of five minute.

So far it's been going great. I am sticking with it up till now, and I feel stronger now too. I complete this within time, as opposed to the first week, when it took me 20-25 minutes to do a 15 minute workout. I still pant like a horse, but I guess that's gonna stay for a while. 

So that's it for now... I am gonna plan a new schedule for normal days, which I will stick to too. And I am loving this thing. Usually, whenever I have gone healthy in the past, I have always given it my best shot. Done it with full focus. Lost a great many pounds. But that's what my aim is not. Now, I just have to do it a little. So little that it's easily managed with work and life, and so much that it's effective in the long run. I don't want to be 'jock' or the person whose only thing that he does is lose weight. I don't want to be just losing weight! In fact, I don't want to do that. This is not a temporary thing. It's gonna stay. Fifteen minutes? I can manage that. Let's see.

What Pakistanis miss the most

So, One of my friends, Wajahat* (bhai hamaray hee halkay k aik Rat hain yeh!) has gotten into graduate program. He is going to Greece/Germany/etc (note to self: put program details here!) for two years. He is a good friend, and of the only two that I meet often. And I am sort of feeling emotional that he's going. So while during one such emotional chat with him, he shared this wonderful piece of chat that he had with his sister:

Sister: sab sey ziyada kis ki yaad aayi gi?
Wajahat: hmmm...muslim shower...

*names have been changed to protect the identity of the people.**
**actually they're just changed to sound mysterious, that's all.

Soul

You don't have a Soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.

— C.S. Lewis

Quote, Unquote

This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

نفل حج

Owning Property

The tenant pondered. "Funny thing how it is. If a man owns a little property, that property is him, it's part of him, and it's like him. If he owns property only so he can walk on it and handle it and be sad when it isn't doing well, and feel fine when the rain falls on it, that property is him, and some way he's bigger because he owns it. Even if he isn't successful he's big with his property. That is so."

And the tenant pondered more. "But let a man get property he doesn't see, or can't take time to get his fingers in, or can't be there to walk on it—why, then the property is the man. He can't do what he wants, he can't think what he wants. The property is the man, stronger than he is. And he is small, not big. Only his possessions are big—and he's the servant of his property. That is so, too."

— Steinbeck, John. Grapes of Wrath. 1939.

Saturday morning mango shake!

My baby sister made mango milk shake for me last night. But I had stuffed myself so much over dinner, that I could barely drink it, let alone enjoy it. So I told her to save it for the morning. And she saved it in a bowl, in the freezer. So basically, I am up at this morning hour, and I have a bowl full of homemade ice cream! But it’s totally creamy, it has little grain size bits of ice in it so it stays colder for longer in my mouth, which makes it all the more better! It’s like a child of a really elite Gola Ganda and really rich mango milk shake! What a way to start a morning!

Not to mention that the walk outside at this sunrise time totally means it's a coffee day! Coffee Day!

So, which of the bounties of your Lord will you deny? Hmmm?

Quote, Unquote

Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to be always part of unanimity.

— Christopher Morley

Dua

Every night, without exception, I get blessings that I'd be so lucky to deserve.

I come home to see happy loving faces that I have done nothing to deserve.

I eat delicious food every night, daily it feels like I am invited to a feast. I do nothing to earn or deserve that food. This is sheer blessing!

After I eat to the brim, I have a bed ready to sleep on, with a fan going over it despite the electricity shortage in my country. A bed that is not dirty, or stinky, or ragged.

The moment I hit the bed, sleep comes easy! In my entire day, I never do anything to deserve such a peaceful sleep. I don't work too hard, I don't exert myself, I don't suffer. And the conscience that doesn't bug me, I have done nothing to deserve that either.

In the morning I wake up with an energy of an unburdened boy. Thanks to Allah who takes my burdens away from me, and gives a fresh and easy morning.

I wish I deserved the the blessings I already!

Dear God, make me of what you are already giving me!

Quote, Unquote

When I'm not doing something that comes deeply from me, I get bored. When I get bored I get distracted and when I get distracted, I become depressed. It's a natural resistance, and it insures your integrity.

— Maria Irene Fornes

Quote, Unquote

When their eyes met she said, “I am nothing.”
He made no reply at first. But he looked straight into her soul with an expression so peaceful that she could not resist its calming effect. Then she had seen the faintest of smiles steal across his mouth as he said the words again. “You are plenty.”

— Blake, Michael. Dances With Wolves. 1988.

Quote, Unquote

I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly.

— Michel de Montaigne

Quote, Unquote

In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time.

— Edward P. Tryon

Test Post

This is just a test post to test out the functionality that blogger offers me to put in headings in my posts. I hear it's a good practice to use heading tags instead of simply styling your text. So let's see whether pretty too or not.

This is Heading. 

This is some random text. Boy I hate it when I have to put in some random text!

This is sub-heading. 

Really I do, unless it is random talking, then I am a champion.

this is a minor heading .

I would have even said a professional .

I don't want to, what I want to

I want to do what my instinct tells me. I don't want to do what I feel like doing. I don't want to do what I can do. I don't want to do what I am allowed to do. I don't want to do with I can get away with. I don't want to do the natural or the desirable or the comfortable. 

I want to do what is best. What is needed, what is beneficial. I want to be patient, not hurt. I want to be tolerant, not angry, even when I have every right to be angry. I want to be kind, not sad, even if I have born losses. I don't want to watch out for myself, I want to see where most can be gained for everyone.

It's not about nobility. It's about not being merely instinctive.

It's about love. I don't want to do what I would like to do, but what my beloved would like me to do.

RATS

I and Asghar and Talal went to LUMS as friends. There my roommate, Russell Anas, became our close friend too. We were a group of many friends, but perhaps because on one or two occasions, someone's father just noticed us four, and decided to name us STAR (Saad, Talal, Asghar and Russell). A loving father, gave us a loving name. But, we being ourselves, changed it to RATS. Not because of the sequence of initials, but because the other meaning it gave. It was, and is, how we called our group. That kinda thing seemed childish. But well, we were all Rats, not just the four of us. And when Rats hung out together, there were Ratisms. So here are a few for you:

Russell: So you know she says to Asghar “Oh my god you’re the MAN!”
Saad: Look Russell don’t insult Asghar. He’s the ANIMAL.
Asghar:(sarcastically) No commentssssss…
Saad: See? Animals don’t comment.

— Rats

Why Brishna doesn't save her work

I am not a graphic designer, but I do have some designing experience. And my sister is a designer. She is not a pro yet, but she's on her way to be. In her school, they teach her stuff like story boarding in Illustrator etc. And well, anybody who has ever done something like that, or has written long essays on a PC, knows that when it crashes, and you lose all your work, it feels like there is no point to being alive anymore...

*dramatic pause*

As for me, I have developed a habit of constantly pressing Ctrl + S, with my left pinkie and its neighbor, so much so that while filling forms in those websites that require you to sign up, I constantly find myself closing the Save as html pop-up which opens up when you try to ‘Save’ a web-page. 

Anyway, when my sister had to leave her computer in the middle of some designing and I started using it, she always asked me to first save her work, then carry on. And when that happened a number of times, I asked her why she doesn't save her work every minute, like I do. To that she said that Z and S are so close, that when she tries to press Ctrl S, she sometimes presses Ctrl Z, which makes her lose her work instead of saving it. 

She didn't know about Ctrl Y.

She is in debt to me since then :)

Don't give me a designer's job

I am a programmer by profession. It’s the job I applied for; it’s what I have studied for, for over four years. It is also, what I am ‘good’ at; I think I am a natural programmer: the kind of person who naturally thinks methodically and doesn’t make assumptions, a person who feels comfortable only in definitive, deterministic circumstances. It is also, what I like. I would solve a programming problem just for fun, I would use programming to do petty (hehe…) real-life tasks, and on any given day, I would rather solve a programming puzzle than write an essay.

But, I design too.

Narcissism aside, I am really good at design too. I love typography. Beautifully set books literally turn me on (take that to mean what you may, but they actually raise my heartbeat, make me excited). I can look at font specimens for hours (and can spend more hours on the internet ‘finding’ them). I have produced some much appreciated artworktoo. I have been known to express complex mixtures of ideas through my designs. And I spend more time at this than any other activity that I don’t get paid for (save for sleeping, that's still a winner).

But, that’s not what my job is. It’s not my profession. It's true that I have done free-lance graphic designing in past, but even if I was offered a full-time job at the place where I currently work, I would not accept it. You see, I don't like to design what I am told or how I am told. They say that the mastery of the art is to work with constraints. As the constraints become tighter, skill is needed even more. And I agree with that. But for me, designing is not a task, it's not work that's to be done. I can't design for a paycheck. I can't take guidelines from someone when designing. I can't find the sweet spot between unbound artistic expression and deadlines. I design for myself, to give form to my feelings. I can't design to please anybody.

When I did freelance, I enjoyed what I produced. But the journey to that end was very tiring. It was exhausting, consuming, sometimes, even frustrating. I get obsessive about little details. And so, after hours and hours of judgment, I would settle on something, and just for a second opinion, show both versions to someone, and they couldn’t tell the difference. That part was very frustrating. Also, because I lacked the formal training in this field, I had to read so much just to get one theme in line with color harmonies, or one layout in line with natural design. And guess what? My clients couldn’t tell the difference. So I thought I couldn’t design for money. Or for people.

Don’t get me wrong, I like appreciation. I like it when others like what I do. But that’s not the reason I design for! It's true that if I came up with a ‘masterpiece’ and Asad comes along and says, ‘err… Saad, the tracking on this one's a bit off…,’ as much as I would like to tell him to go screw himself for belittling my child, I would not. I would probably think, ‘My boy does need a haircut’ and I would adjust the tracking. But Asad's approval is not why my child came into the world. That happened cause I wanted to make love.