“People will kill you over time, and how they’ll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like ‘be realistic.’”

— Dylan Moran

Towards Maritial Bliss

http://www.islamicspirituality.org/lectures/workshops/towards-marital-bliss

Notes I took. Not summary. (In brackets is my BS)

Niyyat for nikah:

1. Ibadat

Allah says in Quran that a married couple is a sign of Allahs existence on earth

2. Children

Prophet says on the judgement of he will love the people who bring larger families to the day. That doesn't mean that the husband can do injustice to the wife. More on that later.

3. The person may get sukoon 

In our deen it's not enough to be married, we have to be happily married. An unhappy marriage leads to the same sins that no marriage leads to. It's even tougher in those situations.

What is sukoon? It's not just peace and tranquility. Momin knows that there will be worries/tests in this world. Sukon doesn't mean there won't be worries in this world. There would be worries, tests in this life. Sukoon means, that no matter happens, no matter what happens, a person's batin, his kalb remains content with Allah, they stay mutmain with Allah, with Sharia; no matter what happened, insides themselves they will stay content with one another. In the context of marriage, it means no matter what happens, the husband will get sukoon from the wife and the wife get sukoon from the husband. What does this mean is that when the person is happily married in deen then they will be able to bear the difficulties that Allah will definitely send them in this world. And if they're not happily married, then those difficulties will make them react and take them out on one another. (Like we around so much! Specially in non-halal relationships, or halal relationships with non-halal basis/motives). Let's say you lose something, but you have something more valuable, so you wouldn't feel bad. For example, if you lost your watch, but you had a better watch at your home, you wouldn't feel bad. It's like that, that no matter what the husband loses, he will have wife who is more valuable to him than anything else that he will never feel at loss. It means that the husband is so fulfilling to the wife, that no matter what she loses, she will always her husband, and hence won't feel bad. It's much more than the regular concept of being worry-free, or tension-free etc.

Then Allah mentions another word Mawadda. Muhabba is love, Mawadda is affectionate love. It's referring to both emotional and physical intimicay. It's referring to that unique kind of love, love that is placed betweeb azwaj (spouses). That means the husband and the wife they love one another, just for who the other person is. First they've already loved one another for the sake of Allah swt, now they genuinely love one another for who they are. They help out one another, they care for one another. Love is like an investment, your returns are directly propertional to what you put into it. It's not supposed to be a dry marriage. It's supposed to be an affair of the hearts. Another place where this words mawadda is used is the love of a mother for his child. That doting love! But where does mawadda come from? Wajala baina kum mawadda! Allah swt has placed between you mawaddah! This is the barakah of nikah... It's that the person who's on taqwa and deen will receive mawaddah. And the person who's sinning against Allah, a person who's leaving the sunnah, Allah will send this mawaddah but they will refuse the signal. You tell me if Allah places rehmat in somebody's heart, can anybody else take it out? This means that if we don't have have this mohabbat in our hearts, then we didn't receive it in the first place!

The next words Allah swt says is Rehmat. Rehmat means mercy. Allah urr Rehman irr Raheem. Allah is using the same word to describe how we're supposed to be towards our spouses. And where does this rehma come? Again Allah swt has places this in the hearts of te two spouses. They must have mawaddah for one another, they must have rehmat for one another. What does rehmat means? When we say Allah is Raheem? It means that Allah will reward us anyway, He will forgive us anyway... so what does rehmat in the hearts of husbands and wives mean? That will overlook the faults of one another. It means that they will stay in the state of mawaddah despite the faults and shortcomings of each other. Now how many of us this level of rehmat in our hearts? Everyone wants the other to be theri dream girl/dream boy... Do you think you're the dream abd of Allah? The dream ummati of Rasool ullah? The dream legacy of Abubakr Siddique? But we still seek rehmat from Allah swt? So how could this be possible that we're unhappily married! It's not possible! It's only possible when we leave Quran and sunnat. If we leave this, we will be miserable on earth. Miserable. And to be honest with you, I am not a person who gives marriage workshops. It's not my area, it's not my interest. I am doing this out of dire necessary. Main majboor aapkay samnay betha hon, because we've seen that so many religious and striving to be religious are so unhappily married. So many other things we want to teach you that, we can't even begin to teach you that if you've these problems. I can tell you in all these, the problems I have seen here in UK are huge. And compared to America you're Light Years ahead of them! I am doing this out of absolute neccessary. Otherwise the things we have to teach you in this course are too embarrassing for me to have to say! The level of sinister and devastating problems. I cannot even imagine the level of religiosity I have seen in people and at the same time the levle of betrayel! Very serious problems. Serious problems. And because our own Ulema have spent so much time on this, I feel incumbent to share that with you, so someone might be able to benefit from this. So Rehma, means to forgive. To forgive the person when they dont' deserve to be forgiven. You tell me, when you miss fajr, and you say Astaghfirullah, does that mean you deserve to be forgiven? When your entire deens tells you to be pray! When the Rasool is telling you to pray! When the Quran is telling you to pray? So first aspect is to forgive when the person doesn't deserve to be forgiven. Second aspect is to forgive with no hope or expectation of any return. Without any demand of anything in return.

This is what it means that Allah has placed mawaddah between you, And he has placed rehmat between you. And indeed there are signs for such people who can reflect on these signs!

I will give you one example of this rehmat. The husband should think, that when this woman came to me, she hardly knew me. Maybe she didn't know me at all. Or maybe she knew through very limited sharia compliant interaction through her relatives. But who I really was (am) she didn't know, that is what my sins were, she didn't know. She had no idea what she was getting into. Even I presented my best features to her father. But within very few days she knew everything about me. My flaws, my hypoocracy, my sloth, my over eating, my over sleeping, all. And she still stuck with me. She should have actually gone home. But she stayed back. She should have run for the hills. And she has grown older. And maye she has now lost her original beauty which she had. Maybe it's time for me to overlook, it's time for me to not cast my lustful gaze at every young or attractive colleague associate that I have, on every young girl that I encounter in the bus or on the street, and get neglectful of my wife, and lose affection of my wife. When she showed so many years of dedication to me. This is what the husband should think. The wife should think the same way. That when he was marrying me, he didn't even know what he was getting into. My mom showed my best picture to him. I actually didn't even look like that (:p) Special wide angle lense, on some special day. OR that he didn't know any of my bad habits. But he married me, for so many years he took care of me, he spent on me, he earned for me, he earned for my children for me, and now as he's getting older he's becoming a bit sensitive, he has a bit of a temperament.  And as he grows older he comes weaker or senile, so now I have to show some patience. I have to continue my love and affection for him. So if this mawaddah and and rehmat you want to combine these. This means to value and continue to value one another. So sukoon means then that not only are they the source of sukoon, but they're also worry free from one another. Then we can think how different we are. In the homes today, we find nothing other than worry. Dissappointment. Second guessing. Anger. Angst. Anxiety. This is the mistake many muslim couples have found themselves in.

Second ayat.
Allah swt syas in Quran ul Kareem, Hunna libassunna hum, wa anta libasunna kum. That your wives are like a garment for you, and you are like a garment for them. So the words used is ibas. Like a clothing, like a garment. It has several aspects. What is the metaphor? What is the relastionship betwene libas and nikah? Clothing covers our nakedness. Our satr. Allah uses it for libas, because the husband hides the faults of the wife. And the wife hides the faults of the husband, one of Allah's names is Sattar, that is, if anyone of us views anyone as praiseworthy, it's actually we're praising Allah's attribute of praise, because it's because of his hiding their mistakes that we love one another. So libas means that the husband and wife are suposed to conceeal one anothers faults.

Second libas is a protection. So Allah is using this word libas for nikah. Means the husband is the protection for the wife and the wife is the protection for the husband. This means several things..

(Tired of writing down now, Will just kick back and listen to the rest myself. Maybe post it later. Not now)

(I have a feeling I stopped at the most wrong juncture! :)
4.

Taha Rafiq

I would like to think I am crazy (crazy is another way of saying I am brave enough and intelligent enough to entertain heterodox ideas, but doesn't rub against other peoples egos) and so, usually, get along well with a very very small part of the society. My friends are very few in number, they all have a lot in common, and new ones rarely make it into the basket.
Anyway, so a few days ago, I was talking to this dude who was the first one in FAST Karachi to get a 4.0 since the 4 year BS program was introduced. And he has written something, and I quite liked it. I loved it. So I am sharing it here. I have been meaning to share it here for some time, but I procrastinate. Here it is:

Everything that we do from the time we gain a lucid consciousness of our actions is forever etched in our minds. We do not remember everything, in the sense that we cannot replay our memories like a recorded video, but it's still all there, tucked away is some corner of our minds. I am reminded of this from time to time when I dream of things I haven't thought of for a very long time, or when I am filled with joy or regret at an action that I did many years back. What this irreversible permanence of thoughts implies is incredibly profound. Any action that we take today will become a fundamental part of who we are tomorrow. Once we have taken any action, we can not remove it from ourself. There is no going back; there can be no selective erasure of thoughts or actions.

The prominent Muslim scholar Hasan Al-Basri is reported to have said, "Son of Adam! You are nothing but a number of days, whenever each day passes then part of you has gone." If we transform our view of ourself from our physical body as defined in space, to a view of us defined in time, then what we do at any moment is not only a part of us, but rather it defines who we are. The old adage 'you are defined by your actions' gains another meaning if we look at life in this way. We are composed of what we see, hear and do at every moment in time.

If we are defined by our actions and our actions remain with us forever, then our minds are undoubtedly the sanctuary where our actions are kept, and our eyes and ears the doors to this sanctuary. Once we let something into this sanctuary, it can never leave it. Do we treat this sanctuary with the reverence that we should? Do we try to guard the doors to this sanctuary and avoid letting in content that will pollute our minds forever? We put a lot of emphasis on keeping away from physical harm, which for the most part, heals after passage of some time. However, the scars of our minds never heal completely. For the best of us, our minds are places of contentment and tranquillity; a place where we can retreat to attain peace. For the worst of us, it's a prison where we wish we could escape from, but we cannot.

— Taha Rafiq

How to read the entire Jeeves and Wooster canon

An efficient method of reading the entire Jeeves canon is to read The World of Jeeves followed by the eleven novels in order of publication. The novels share a certain amount of sequential narrative development between them, and the later novels are essentially sequels to the earlier ones.

Exercising mindfulness might improve ADHD

Mindfulness exercise:

1. Focus on a target
2. Realize when you've become distracted
3. Bring the mind back to the target
4. Sustain!

source: Exercising the mind to treat attention Deficit

Some stuff

Some random stuff that I like reading again and again and again. Somehow it feels meaninful, obviously can't go around sharing them again and again on facebook, people already think I am crazy.

Sorrow is too great to exist in small hearts.

Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.

Whatever you hold in your mind, you will eventually hold in your hand.

Mujahida

Mujahida

To do something, when you don't feel like doing something.
When your friends are telling you to do something.
When Shaitan is telling you to do something.
When your nafs is telling you to do something.
And you still make the effort of not doing that, that is mujahida.
Allah loves that mujahida.

Allah takes pride in people making mujahida.

Mujahida has to be made initially. And then it will translate into effortlessness.
Case in point salat. And then Fajr. This is the fruit of constant Mujahida.

If you keep doing it, keep doing it, Allah tala will give you episodes of sabr, shukr, takwa.

At first you have to make constant insistent mujahida, and it gradually starts becoming easier, and it gradually starts becoming effortless.

Eventually the whole process becomes easier. The Deen becomes second nature. The nafs becomes happy to be on deen.

For a true seeker, there's no difference between his/her spiritual state during Ramadhan and outside of Ramadhan. Except that they fast and do taraweeh.

If we're so stubborn that we go to gatherings, and we still don't make any effort. We go for hajj, umra, ehtikaaf, and still won't make effort. When a person gets so stubborn they get fixated on their idlenss, stubbornness, and they waste time on futile or even unlawful things. Then they have only themselves to blame.

In this tareeka, the only thing that Can keep a person back is the lack of effort!

May Allah accept us for this path!


Source: http://www.islamicspirituality.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Time-for-Effort.mp3