The revered to-do list revisited

Before the last quarter of the last year, I published a to-do list. It was a list of things I wanted to accomplish before the year ended. Those three months passed, and then six months of the next year also passed! And I haven't completely accomplished those things :) Well - one reason is that though those were desirable goals I wanted to go towards, I wasn't really driven, because nothing visible depended on them. Anyway, I was saying, though I haven't accomplished those things, there have been other developments that I wanted even more badly, that I hadn't written there, that God made to happen! They were so unlikely, so impractical, that I didn't even write there. Yet they happened. More about them later :)

But now,  the list from last year:

1. Spend some time in tableegh
2. Make a facebook app
3. Learn C and C++
4. Write a Compiler!
5. Study Operating Systems
6. Learn to read and research
7. Lose weight
8. Read books

Okay - now that I think about it, it wasn't that bad. Let's take a look again:

1. I did go on two occasions and spend a few hours on each. Though it's less than the planned three days, it's still something. And secondly, I went for the annual ijtema at jhang, which is not a substitute for this, but it is time spend travelling for the same cause. 
2. Well no. There were two motivations behind it, first I needed to download all my previous data from facebook, actually just the status updates, and secondly, I wanted to develop the skills that are required for it. So - facebook itself developed a feature which allows one to download all of one's personal data as a zip file. So there you go. Secondly, the skills required to develop this are very specific, and it's very likely that I do this at my new job. So why do something for free, when you can get paid for it? ;)
3. Hmmm... I would say it's coming along nice. Though learning C and C++ is no more my goal, as of now. I am focusing on C++ - because again, though learning to write in C would make me an even better programmer, I would have to do all the effort once again for C++! So I am going in descending order according to the importance and value of the language here. 
4. This was more of an ego thing (It still is!) Since in my Compiler's course, I didn't really exert, and came out not much educated, I wanted to do this thing so I can both learn, and have a creation to my name. But again, I can do that, after I learn C++.  Because starting this before completing that, would just make this seem more daunting. As you require knowing those languages for writing a compiler. 
5. Nope. Wasn't motivated for it. Still a'int. 
6. I don't even know what was I thinking then! I mean duh! I worked  as a researcher! Got paid for it! I was low on self esteem that time cause there was a pile of books on my table that I had to read, and couldn't get myself to start. Which I have now started to read, so yeah, I know how to read for leisure, and how to read course books, and how to read research papers. Though I still take twice the time reading Urdu books and books that are written to train and educate, but that's understandable. They key is to go on. 
7. hehehehe...
8. Hmmm.... I can say I have started that. 

The Cure for Loneliness

I recently read an article about ways of curing loneliness. Now loneliness is not a disease per se, but people who have it do seem to have some defficiencies. Those deficiences may be biological, but one of them is the distortion of perspective. I read in the article that people who are suffering from loneliness tend to associate negativity to any doubt or ambiguity they encounter. That is to say that in any instace, where there is no or little evidence of explicit positive response, they will assume that there is a negative response for it. 


From the article itself:

 In ambiguous social situations, lonely people immediately think the worst. For instance, if coworker Bob seems more quiet and distant than usual lately, a lonely person is likely to assume that he's done something to offend Bob, or that Bob is intentionally giving him the cold shoulder.

This is the article I am talking about. And I found this article to be very helpful, especially this last part about maladaptive thinking. What I found even more remarkable was that, once I tried to force myself to stop making this thinking mistake, I was feeling a lot better! I started to feel worthy; as earlier my sense of worth, unfortunately, was being lowered by the perception that I am not worth liking, now it began to stop depending on an ungrounded assumption, and started shifting towards other, more real things. 

When I look at you

A thousand things go through my mind, when I look at you. Things of different shades, of different tones. I want to say them all to you. And every time, I say only one. And save the rest. And the next time, when I look at you, go through my mind, a thousand things. 

What have you been upto?

"What have you been up to? What have you been cooking up? I know you have been on to something, just what it is, I can't put my finger on. Tell me - don't you give me surprises now, I ought to know what you do. I - of all the people - ought to know!" He said to his brain.