Zzz....

Assalam O alykum,

Lately, well, about 3-4 weeks ago. I started getting some severe headaches. Right part of the head, above my eye (please don't post your diagnosis or med-advice).

Long story short, (not really feel chatty right now) - started sleeping early and getting up early. So far I have defaulted only twice (only, hah!) once for sleeping late, that was Thursday night, and as a result for getting up late, that was today (Saturday).

Been reading up some stuff on sleep. This area has always fascinated me, and well, angered me. Cause people around me (friends/family) never really listen. My parents back home would give a fuck if I tell them to sleep (or let me sleep) at 10 pm. My friends, obviously, give a fuck too.

I have noticed, for me there's this small window, 10-11 pm. If I sleep in this window, well and good. If someone messes with me, starts up an arguments, angers me, or if I do anything mentally or physically arousing, and don't fall sleep, and the clock is way past 11 pm, then bam, I can't sleep. I can't sleep till 2 or 3, or whatever. Even if I had 2-3 hours sleep in the last 24 hours, even if I had gotten up at 5 am, and had worked out 2 hours.

Anyway, whining aside, so I have been reading about sleep. Found a couple of articles, very nice. Will share them here. I really wished I had written this post earlier than now, I actually have been feeling pretty nice lately, since Tuesday. My workout log shows regular workouts since Tuesday too!

The articles:

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/10/how-to-wake-up-feeling-totally-alert/


This youtube series I listened to 1-2 years ago, I would love to say it changed my life, but it didn't www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jwPKn_9rJU

As a child, I was beaten by my uncle and scolded to go to bed early, that sort of built a negative association with sleeping early. In college, I got the full opportunity of staying up as late as I wanted and sleeping in as much as it suited, so late I slept and late I got up. Sometimes I wouldn't sleep till 8 am, and wouldn't' get up at 4 pm. Obviously, that messed me up big time. Add to that my fixation with staying online and reading crap, and voila! There you have it, a brain so messed up, that no doctor refrains from saying its chemistry is messed up, and every one of them seems to prescribe one thine - sleep the fuck early.

In Lums however, another thing happened. A very positive association was built with morning times too :) The breakfast at pdc was just a ... it was delight. The gym used to be empty after fajr, and so I had the time of my life when I did sleep early, got up early. There's only so much you can do when being social matters to you. So didn't develop this habit, so to speak.

Now, there are people giving all kinds of bullshit. 'I'm not a morning person' - 'My brain works well at night' 'My brain doesn't well in the mornings' 'I am not at my best in the morning'. I don't know about you, maybe you're alien and laws of medicine don't apply to you? Maybe you've become so smarter and known yourself so better laws of Allah don't apply to you anymore? Anyway. My brain - works SO well at night 2 am - that even if I am sleepy, and I get my hands on a puzzle, I can solve it in seconds. Programming assignment? I can do 4 hours of worth of programming in 2 hours. But here are the headaches, that really do feel like they will kill me, and here are the doctors, telling me to, go the fuck to sleep.

About one thing I really feel happy today. I missed my friends birthday party last night. Not because I had a headache, because I had to sleep early. Usually when I am missing something important, but something as 'useless' as sleep, then the sadness just keeps me up (remember the childhood reference?) - last night it didn't. I slept. I feel very proud, that was one step towards ditching all that keeps one away from sticking to what's right. There's gonna be so much more, I am afraid.

Enough rant, been in library planning to study since 2 pm. It's 3:09 now. Still have a lingering headache from waking up late, or whatever. And a gnawing anxiety that I won't get it done. It's this fear of failure that keeps from trying, trying in time, and succeeding. Amazing.

sunah hai rab hai isko kharab halon se, 
so apnay aapko barbaad karkay dekhte hain