Facebook

Why do I need facebook? Why do I want facebook? Why do I use facebook? What I derive from it? What do I get from it?

If there's one thing I don't use it for, that's keeping in touch. I don't use it for keeping in touch with anybody. There's nobody I stay in touch with through facebook. Really. All my friends don't use it as much, or if they use it, we don't interact that much. I don't have that kind of friends. There was a time when I had such friends, girls mostly, and now is not it. Now, the people I am friends with, are goal oriented people. They talk when they need to. They get their ... updates.. from newspapers and journals. So, one thing that I don't use it for is keeping in touch. It's true that it has often come in handy when trying to locate a number of some long lost friend, but that's only because the number was lost. I could have located it from elsewhere too. In the end, it's the number you need to stay in touch. Pictures? Wedding photos? I guess I can probably do without those updated. After all, really, nobody matters so much that I would benefit in the department of life-satisfaction and general happiness from knowing about these updates.

Then? What do I get from it? Stalking? Uh well, that too, has little use now. Really. I mean, contrary to what it may seem like to some people, I am Not in extrovort. I don't like having a  vast, dilute social circle. I do well with a small, concentrated one. So I am not at all the person to hit up a new person on line, chat him/her up, then be a buddy. No, that's not how I roll. At least, not now.

Having an online presence? Well, maybe. But isn't that what that really does mean is that I want to be public? Like, awami? I want everyone to know me? to know how 'cool' I am? That I read so and so, and that I use so and so, and that I like so and so, and that I have watched so and so? And then feel a sense of oneness with those other people who have 'Liked' the same pages? Truth be told, I never did feel any oneness with anybody. George Carlin, my favorite comedian, atheist, me, a strong monotheist, his page I had liked. And the admin kept sharing his quotes against religion. Fine, his quotes, comedy. Alright. But the comments? All those idiots missing his point entirely, starting to argue once again over whether there is a God or not, and ... on facebook? On a comedian's page? Are you kidding me?! No, having an online presence doesn't work for me. It didn't work me. I never really could connect with the intellectuals, the liberals, or... the religious class. Ah, the irony. The most commonly placed label on me - that religious guy, that molvi. I never did well with those too, either. Why that? Well, the real molvis, I one's I would really have enjoyed with, well, they weren't using Facebook! They may have accounts, but they aren't posting. There Are indeed a couple of people who use facebook as much as I do, why I don't 'interact' with them on fb? Why I have hidden their feed? I guess, facebook is all about how we want to be seen to the world. And the way they want to be seen, on the internet, is not quite the way I want to see them as. I know they're different, which is why we're friends, of course. Reminds me what Oscar Wilde said, 'Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.' I guess on the internet, we're too much 'in our own person'. I guess. No, thank you, I will do without an online presence. Which does make me think what I made this blog for, around two years ago, on the suggestion of a friend, to have an online presence. Ha! It has become a good whiteboard, and rightly so, this is what I need more than an online presence, a place which is Mine. Where I vomit out all that junk I am consuming, and look at it, while it comes out, that what have I been consuming! Look at what's been inside me, and how it feels like when I take it out in front of others. More on that later. This post isn't about this blog. It's about facebook. An exploratory essay into why I do and shouldn't use facebook.

Ah! The updates! The constant Dopamine hit! The bananas for the monkey. I won't negotiate over that. I won't argue I don't get that, or that I am not a monkey. I won't say that I don't get hooked on to the endless memes there, or that I am not on the lookout for the next interesting status update, or the next catchy picture. But it gets too much out too quickly. Isn't it when we notice all wrong? When it gets 'out of hand'? When it's too much than what's considered Normal? Haha... It's wrong when it's too much, it's right when it's normal much? Wow! Well, with me, most things get out of hand. Most things. I'm an indulgent person by nature. And I don't Give. A. Damn. I will lose X? Whatever. I will be seen as Y? Whatever. I will have to live with Z. Whatever. So, I slip in to the 'unhealthy amoung' very soon. I know immediately what thing is wrong, because immediately I slide towards doing a lot of it, and see the harm in it, and see that the harm is there even when you're doing less of it. And then I try to cut it off entirely, totally. That's when people call me crazy. Hahahaha... Whatever. If you really have a point other than 'thora sa tou chalta hai' (I can tolerate a little bit of it, but not a lot of it) then come argue, and then call me crazy. Or put a label before opening your mind to it. I am used to either kind of treatment. You're welcome.

Is that it? All I seek is pointless, endless, directionless, mental activity? Really?

I would have been ashamed of myself on discovering this, if this indeed was a discovery. Whatever.