The revered to-do list revisited

Before the last quarter of the last year, I published a to-do list. It was a list of things I wanted to accomplish before the year ended. Those three months passed, and then six months of the next year also passed! And I haven't completely accomplished those things :) Well - one reason is that though those were desirable goals I wanted to go towards, I wasn't really driven, because nothing visible depended on them. Anyway, I was saying, though I haven't accomplished those things, there have been other developments that I wanted even more badly, that I hadn't written there, that God made to happen! They were so unlikely, so impractical, that I didn't even write there. Yet they happened. More about them later :)

But now,  the list from last year:

1. Spend some time in tableegh
2. Make a facebook app
3. Learn C and C++
4. Write a Compiler!
5. Study Operating Systems
6. Learn to read and research
7. Lose weight
8. Read books

Okay - now that I think about it, it wasn't that bad. Let's take a look again:

1. I did go on two occasions and spend a few hours on each. Though it's less than the planned three days, it's still something. And secondly, I went for the annual ijtema at jhang, which is not a substitute for this, but it is time spend travelling for the same cause. 
2. Well no. There were two motivations behind it, first I needed to download all my previous data from facebook, actually just the status updates, and secondly, I wanted to develop the skills that are required for it. So - facebook itself developed a feature which allows one to download all of one's personal data as a zip file. So there you go. Secondly, the skills required to develop this are very specific, and it's very likely that I do this at my new job. So why do something for free, when you can get paid for it? ;)
3. Hmmm... I would say it's coming along nice. Though learning C and C++ is no more my goal, as of now. I am focusing on C++ - because again, though learning to write in C would make me an even better programmer, I would have to do all the effort once again for C++! So I am going in descending order according to the importance and value of the language here. 
4. This was more of an ego thing (It still is!) Since in my Compiler's course, I didn't really exert, and came out not much educated, I wanted to do this thing so I can both learn, and have a creation to my name. But again, I can do that, after I learn C++.  Because starting this before completing that, would just make this seem more daunting. As you require knowing those languages for writing a compiler. 
5. Nope. Wasn't motivated for it. Still a'int. 
6. I don't even know what was I thinking then! I mean duh! I worked  as a researcher! Got paid for it! I was low on self esteem that time cause there was a pile of books on my table that I had to read, and couldn't get myself to start. Which I have now started to read, so yeah, I know how to read for leisure, and how to read course books, and how to read research papers. Though I still take twice the time reading Urdu books and books that are written to train and educate, but that's understandable. They key is to go on. 
7. hehehehe...
8. Hmmm.... I can say I have started that. 

The Cure for Loneliness

I recently read an article about ways of curing loneliness. Now loneliness is not a disease per se, but people who have it do seem to have some defficiencies. Those deficiences may be biological, but one of them is the distortion of perspective. I read in the article that people who are suffering from loneliness tend to associate negativity to any doubt or ambiguity they encounter. That is to say that in any instace, where there is no or little evidence of explicit positive response, they will assume that there is a negative response for it. 


From the article itself:

 In ambiguous social situations, lonely people immediately think the worst. For instance, if coworker Bob seems more quiet and distant than usual lately, a lonely person is likely to assume that he's done something to offend Bob, or that Bob is intentionally giving him the cold shoulder.

This is the article I am talking about. And I found this article to be very helpful, especially this last part about maladaptive thinking. What I found even more remarkable was that, once I tried to force myself to stop making this thinking mistake, I was feeling a lot better! I started to feel worthy; as earlier my sense of worth, unfortunately, was being lowered by the perception that I am not worth liking, now it began to stop depending on an ungrounded assumption, and started shifting towards other, more real things. 

When I look at you

A thousand things go through my mind, when I look at you. Things of different shades, of different tones. I want to say them all to you. And every time, I say only one. And save the rest. And the next time, when I look at you, go through my mind, a thousand things. 

What have you been upto?

"What have you been up to? What have you been cooking up? I know you have been on to something, just what it is, I can't put my finger on. Tell me - don't you give me surprises now, I ought to know what you do. I - of all the people - ought to know!" He said to his brain. 

Oh Ruby! Oh oh Ruby!

Once there was a caterpillar who had commas for legs. Which meant he had to allow a literary pause after each step. The other caterpillars really respected him for it and he came to have quite a commanding presence. Oh, and talk about a philanthropist! He was notorious for giving fresh leaves to those less-fortunate.

The revered to-do list

It's September 1 today. There are four months left in this year. It has been a very important year for me. In fact, last couple years have been the most important of my life. I have become the person that I am in last four years. But this year has special significance.

I became most sure of my values in this year. I graduated this year. I made a tough decision this year. I came back home from Lahore, where I have been living for past 4 years, to my family this year. I came back home this year! I got a job this year. I started working this year. My work life started this year! I got another job this year, as an instructor. Anyway, enough to establish that this is an important year.

When I graduated, I had made a goal list. I made a list of things I wanted to do in the next six years of this year. Two months have passed since then, and I haven't started to do a single thing!

This list that I talk of, is very ambitious. I know now that I won't be able to do all of them. But there are some things that I have to do, and some that are bonus. So for example, I have to lost weight this year. The have to part is losing at least four kgs, and bonus part is losing twelve kgs. Let's see where I can go.
Here's the list that I am talking about, as modified by my current perception of what is reasonable. I do admit I was very ambitious when I made the list.

1. Spend some time in tableegh.
 Ideally and practically ten days, but I don't think I will be able to manage more than three day trips.

1. Make a facebook app.
 Now I am not really passionate about it, and there isn't really a point to it. And I have made one during my internship already, so the excitement isn't as much either. But still, just for the fun of it, I wanna make a facebook app. Though I don't have any good idea, but I do have one. More on that later. But if you have any, please share. 

1. Learn C and C++.
 C I will learn eventually, as my profession demands it. Meanwhile, I am planning to learn C++ as well. Again, just to expand my arsenal. To become a hardcore developer, I have installed Ubuntu, but it's coming all well. Let's see.

1. Write a compiler.
 Now this is definitely a bonus task. I don't think I will be able to do this one, but if time permits, I would definitely like to. The thing is, I took the compilers course, and I passed with a good grade too. But I never really enjoyed the designing and writing of a compiler, so I am planning I will do it from scratch now. The language I am planning to write the compiler for is Tiger.

1. Study Operating System concepts.
 Again, a bonus task. The installing of Ubuntu was motivated by this as well. The same reason as the last one. I took a course, didn't study properly. Now going to learn to make up for that.

1. Study Computer Networks and Network Security.
 All bonus :)

1. Learn to read and research.
 This I guess I have already started, as I am a research engineer by profession, so this is something I do for living. But I wanna get good overall, not just technical research.

1. Lose weight.
 I already talked about this.

1. Read books.
 Yeah, there are a couple of books that I would like to say that I have read. So I have to start reading them. Another post on them soon.

Well, that's all folks! Probably I will post about my progress or how I plan to do them in the next post. Till then, have dreams, work towards them, and enjoy yourselves!

S.

Movie with the Geeks

Today is the second Saturday after I have started working. Last Saturday, I planned to write this blog, which I am writing today. *meaningful expression* I guess I am just too lazy (or I was really busy? Latter one, it makes me appear more impressive) to post this one. Anyway, so when the first four days of my job ended, I heard my office was planning a movie screening.
So the party management committee (yes, an office of 30-35 people has one) planned that we should go for Transformers 3, at Atrium cinema in 3D. I was not excited. I have stopped watching movies, but I felt like going for two superficial reasons. First one, it was my first week, and whatever I did, will be seen as permanent; if I chose to not go, then I could have been considered a boring person and not invited to further outings etc. The things is, I wanted to be in the 'in' crowd. Not among those people who just come and work and are boring. I wanted to make myself known. I couldn't suppress the desire to say, I exist! Secondly, I myself wanted to socialize. To know people, to see who was what kind, learn their names, make some jokes. Though I wasn't getting that at the movie, I was definitely gonna get that that at the dinner after the movie.
Also, everything was free. A 3D movie screening with glasses and popcorn and a dinner, it was all free. I went.
I can't say I enjoyed the movie. I am happy I didn't miss the maghrib, which occured during the movie, thanks to some colleagues who were going to pray, and thanks to my beard, because of which they asked me to come along. SubhanAllah! I can't say I enjoyed the movie cause I got so bored during it, that I slept. I slept during the movie, well not through the entire movie. But to some parts. Reasons were many, I realized I had grown out of lame movies, the didn't have any realism to it, the action effects defied physical reality, the plot was shit boring, the hero seemed like a looser, the dialogues were ridiculous sexual puns, the 3D was abused... or perhaps the actual reason was that I had been in  front of a screen All day?
and my eyes were too tired for any more shit? I don't know.
Anyway, the movie ended, and on our way to Food Center, the supervisor asked (all guys who were sitting in his car were from Research team) how could that guy break a 128-bit encryption in 2 seconds! That Is All They Had To Talk About After The Movie! Those Geeks! and then from there onward, that's what the 'Research Team' talked about. About breaking 128-bit encryption quickly. I was almost expecting him to assign me that task!

Anyway, I loved the talk. I loved how my izzat was once again saved (nobody had known about my illiteracy) and I loved the food and loved the gelling together with all.
Thumbs up!
S.