Notes I took. Not summary. (In brackets is my BS)
Niyyat for nikah:
1. Ibadat
Allah says in Quran that a married couple is a sign of Allahs existence on earth2. Children
Prophet says on the judgement of he will love the people who bring larger families to the day. That doesn't mean that the husband can do injustice to the wife. More on that later.3. The person may get sukoon
In our deen it's not enough to be married, we have to be happily married. An unhappy marriage leads to the same sins that no marriage leads to. It's even tougher in those situations.What is sukoon? It's not just peace and tranquility. Momin knows that there will be worries/tests in this world. Sukon doesn't mean there won't be worries in this world. There would be worries, tests in this life. Sukoon means, that no matter happens, no matter what happens, a person's batin, his kalb remains content with Allah, they stay mutmain with Allah, with Sharia; no matter what happened, insides themselves they will stay content with one another. In the context of marriage, it means no matter what happens, the husband will get sukoon from the wife and the wife get sukoon from the husband. What does this mean is that when the person is happily married in deen then they will be able to bear the difficulties that Allah will definitely send them in this world. And if they're not happily married, then those difficulties will make them react and take them out on one another. (Like we around so much! Specially in non-halal relationships, or halal relationships with non-halal basis/motives). Let's say you lose something, but you have something more valuable, so you wouldn't feel bad. For example, if you lost your watch, but you had a better watch at your home, you wouldn't feel bad. It's like that, that no matter what the husband loses, he will have wife who is more valuable to him than anything else that he will never feel at loss. It means that the husband is so fulfilling to the wife, that no matter what she loses, she will always her husband, and hence won't feel bad. It's much more than the regular concept of being worry-free, or tension-free etc.
Then Allah mentions another word Mawadda. Muhabba is love, Mawadda is affectionate love. It's referring to both emotional and physical intimicay. It's referring to that unique kind of love, love that is placed betweeb azwaj (spouses). That means the husband and the wife they love one another, just for who the other person is. First they've already loved one another for the sake of Allah swt, now they genuinely love one another for who they are. They help out one another, they care for one another. Love is like an investment, your returns are directly propertional to what you put into it. It's not supposed to be a dry marriage. It's supposed to be an affair of the hearts. Another place where this words mawadda is used is the love of a mother for his child. That doting love! But where does mawadda come from? Wajala baina kum mawadda! Allah swt has placed between you mawaddah! This is the barakah of nikah... It's that the person who's on taqwa and deen will receive mawaddah. And the person who's sinning against Allah, a person who's leaving the sunnah, Allah will send this mawaddah but they will refuse the signal. You tell me if Allah places rehmat in somebody's heart, can anybody else take it out? This means that if we don't have have this mohabbat in our hearts, then we didn't receive it in the first place!
The next words Allah swt says is Rehmat. Rehmat means mercy. Allah urr Rehman irr Raheem. Allah is using the same word to describe how we're supposed to be towards our spouses. And where does this rehma come? Again Allah swt has places this in the hearts of te two spouses. They must have mawaddah for one another, they must have rehmat for one another. What does rehmat means? When we say Allah is Raheem? It means that Allah will reward us anyway, He will forgive us anyway... so what does rehmat in the hearts of husbands and wives mean? That will overlook the faults of one another. It means that they will stay in the state of mawaddah despite the faults and shortcomings of each other. Now how many of us this level of rehmat in our hearts? Everyone wants the other to be theri dream girl/dream boy... Do you think you're the dream abd of Allah? The dream ummati of Rasool ullah? The dream legacy of Abubakr Siddique? But we still seek rehmat from Allah swt? So how could this be possible that we're unhappily married! It's not possible! It's only possible when we leave Quran and sunnat. If we leave this, we will be miserable on earth. Miserable. And to be honest with you, I am not a person who gives marriage workshops. It's not my area, it's not my interest. I am doing this out of dire necessary. Main majboor aapkay samnay betha hon, because we've seen that so many religious and striving to be religious are so unhappily married. So many other things we want to teach you that, we can't even begin to teach you that if you've these problems. I can tell you in all these, the problems I have seen here in UK are huge. And compared to America you're Light Years ahead of them! I am doing this out of absolute neccessary. Otherwise the things we have to teach you in this course are too embarrassing for me to have to say! The level of sinister and devastating problems. I cannot even imagine the level of religiosity I have seen in people and at the same time the levle of betrayel! Very serious problems. Serious problems. And because our own Ulema have spent so much time on this, I feel incumbent to share that with you, so someone might be able to benefit from this. So Rehma, means to forgive. To forgive the person when they dont' deserve to be forgiven. You tell me, when you miss fajr, and you say Astaghfirullah, does that mean you deserve to be forgiven? When your entire deens tells you to be pray! When the Rasool is telling you to pray! When the Quran is telling you to pray? So first aspect is to forgive when the person doesn't deserve to be forgiven. Second aspect is to forgive with no hope or expectation of any return. Without any demand of anything in return.
This is what it means that Allah has placed mawaddah between you, And he has placed rehmat between you. And indeed there are signs for such people who can reflect on these signs!
I will give you one example of this rehmat. The husband should think, that when this woman came to me, she hardly knew me. Maybe she didn't know me at all. Or maybe she knew through very limited sharia compliant interaction through her relatives. But who I really was (am) she didn't know, that is what my sins were, she didn't know. She had no idea what she was getting into. Even I presented my best features to her father. But within very few days she knew everything about me. My flaws, my hypoocracy, my sloth, my over eating, my over sleeping, all. And she still stuck with me. She should have actually gone home. But she stayed back. She should have run for the hills. And she has grown older. And maye she has now lost her original beauty which she had. Maybe it's time for me to overlook, it's time for me to not cast my lustful gaze at every young or attractive colleague associate that I have, on every young girl that I encounter in the bus or on the street, and get neglectful of my wife, and lose affection of my wife. When she showed so many years of dedication to me. This is what the husband should think. The wife should think the same way. That when he was marrying me, he didn't even know what he was getting into. My mom showed my best picture to him. I actually didn't even look like that (:p) Special wide angle lense, on some special day. OR that he didn't know any of my bad habits. But he married me, for so many years he took care of me, he spent on me, he earned for me, he earned for my children for me, and now as he's getting older he's becoming a bit sensitive, he has a bit of a temperament. And as he grows older he comes weaker or senile, so now I have to show some patience. I have to continue my love and affection for him. So if this mawaddah and and rehmat you want to combine these. This means to value and continue to value one another. So sukoon means then that not only are they the source of sukoon, but they're also worry free from one another. Then we can think how different we are. In the homes today, we find nothing other than worry. Dissappointment. Second guessing. Anger. Angst. Anxiety. This is the mistake many muslim couples have found themselves in.
Second ayat.
Allah swt syas in Quran ul Kareem, Hunna libassunna hum, wa anta libasunna kum. That your wives are like a garment for you, and you are like a garment for them. So the words used is ibas. Like a clothing, like a garment. It has several aspects. What is the metaphor? What is the relastionship betwene libas and nikah? Clothing covers our nakedness. Our satr. Allah uses it for libas, because the husband hides the faults of the wife. And the wife hides the faults of the husband, one of Allah's names is Sattar, that is, if anyone of us views anyone as praiseworthy, it's actually we're praising Allah's attribute of praise, because it's because of his hiding their mistakes that we love one another. So libas means that the husband and wife are suposed to conceeal one anothers faults.
Second libas is a protection. So Allah is using this word libas for nikah. Means the husband is the protection for the wife and the wife is the protection for the husband. This means several things..
(Tired of writing down now, Will just kick back and listen to the rest myself. Maybe post it later. Not now)
(I have a feeling I stopped at the most wrong juncture! :)
4.