Monday 17 November 2014

How to keep yourself motivated

This article is was originally found here:
http://www.theeffectiveengineer.com/blog/frame-your-goal-to-increase-motivation


In 2009, Dr. Heidi Grant Halvorson made a surprising discovery in the science of motivation. She conducted a series of studies where she asked participants to solve a set of puzzles and problems. In one group — the “be-good” group — participants were told that their score reflected their “conceptual and analytical abilities.” They should try to solve as many problems as possible and aim for a high score to demonstrate how good they were. In another group — the “get-better” group — participants were told that each problem was a “training tool” and that they ought to “take advantage of this valuable learning opportunity” to improve their problem-solving skills. [1]

For some participants in each group, Halvorson also increased the difficulty level by introducing a few challenges. She interrupted participants to use up some of their allotted time. She threw in extra, unsolvable problems to frustrate them, without telling participants that the problems were unsolvable.

What surprised Halvorson was how the two groups dealt with the challenges. The ones in the “get-better” group remained unfazed and solved as many as problems in the challenging conditions as the easy ones. They stayed motivated and kept trying to learn. The ones in the “be-good” group, however, were so demoralized when they faced the challenges and obstacles that they solved substantially fewer problems than those who didn’t have to face them.

And those differences happened just because of how the initial goal was framed.

Define Mastery Goals, Not Performance Ones, For Difficult Problems

Halvorson’s experiments illustrate the difference between a mastery goal, where you aim to learn and get better at some skill, and a performance goal, where you aim to be good, either to demonstrate you’re talented or to outperform other people.

Your objective for a given problem can often be framed in either way:

Are you studying for tests to learn and to grow or to demonstrate your intelligence?
Are you spending years on a PhD to innovate in your research area or to because you think it’ll be a good stepping stone for your career?
Are you training for a 10K race to improve your own time or to beat the competition?
Are you working on side projects and brushing up your coding skills to become a better software engineer or to simply get a better-paying job?

The actions you perform to accomplish a mastery goal or a performance goal might be the same, but your motivation and your mindset will be quite different. When you’re focused on improving your own skills, rather than on demonstrating them, you’re less likely to get discouraged by obstacles, time pressure, or other unexpected challenges. You’ll believe that you can still improve and do better next time. You’ll have a growth mindset.

That’s not to say performance goals don’t have their place. Professor Dan Ariely conducted a series of experiments at MIT, the University of Chicago, and in rural Madurai, India. Subjects were asked to participate in a number of games and offered either a small, moderate, or large financial incentive for performing well on each particular game — a clear example of performance goals in action. For memory games, creativity games, or motor skill games, those offered a large financial incentive actually performed worse than those offered smaller ones. The only task where participants actually performed better when offered a large financial incentive was when they were performing the mechanical task of alternating keypresses on a keyboard as quickly as possible. [2]

Daniel Pink reinforces this idea in his book Drive, explaining that when there is a clear goal and when the problem can be solved by brute force, performance-based goals — especially those incentivized by a reward — work extremely well. It’s when the problems require some ingenuity or some mental effort, that performance-based goals and rewards start to backfire and reduce performance. [3]

Making This Research Useful

Set the right type of goal for the task at hand to get better results.

You’re better off setting a performance goal when you can brute force through the problem, particularly if there’s a reward at stake. For example, performance goals work well if you’re:

Triaging through a long bug or feature list.
Responding to a long backlog of personal emails or customer support emails.
Finishing a laundry list of chores around the apartment.
Mechanically grinding through any number of mindless tasks.

It can be helpful for each of these short-term tasks, where there isn’t much opportunity to master a new skill, to instead tie a reward to the completion of the task. If you get everything done, then you’ll treat yourself (or your team) to something nice. The performance incentive can help you get things done faster.

But for our long-term goals, we’ll stay much more motivated in the long run if we adopt a mindset where we’re aiming to master our skills rather than to hit a performance goal. For example,

Rather than focusing on getting promoted to a staff engineering position at your company, focus on improving your engineering skills and your ability to create meaningful impact.
Rather than training to win at some sport — whether it’s running, a tennis match, ultimate frisbee, etc. — train to become a better player or athlete.
Rather than joining at a startup to get rich, join because you’re passionate about the problem space and excited to learn from the journey.

You’ll notice that long-term goals framed in terms of performance tend to rely on external factors outside of your control (whether your manager promotes you, whether you’re better than your opponent, or whether your startup succeeds). When you let environmental circumstances play such a large role in your success, it’s much harder to stay motivated when you encounter obstacles, just like the puzzle-solving participants in Halvorson’s experiments. If you instead focus on your own learning and on getting better, you’re much more likely to overcome pain points and actually succeed.

Notes:
Heidi Grant Halvorson, Succeed: How We Can Reach Our Goals, p64-68.
Dan Ariely, et. al., “Large Stakes and Big Mistakes”, https://www.bostonfed.org/econom....
Daniel Pink, Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, p60.

Paralysis by Analysis

source: https://hbr.org/2013/11/stop-worrying-about-making-the-right-decision/

So while I support using available data to rank our options in some rough sense, ultimately we’re best served by avoiding paralysis-by-analysis and moving foward by:
  1. Paying close attention to the feelings and emotions that accompany the decision we’re facing,
  2. Assessing how motivated we are to work toward the success of any given option, and
  3. Recognizing that no matter what option we choose, our efforts to support its success will be more important than the initial guesswork that led to our choice.

Thursday 13 November 2014

Things to do after waking up

  1. Pray and Meditate
  2. Revise High Impact Tasks
  3. Read
  4. Exercise Shared from Google Keep

Wednesday 12 November 2014

Give it some time and you’ll be amazed at how “I must respond!” will transform into “Eh, who cares?”

Wednesday 5 November 2014

All you need is 20 seconds of courage.

Wednesday 15 October 2014

Discipline

Discipline is doing what is hard and necessary rather than what is
fun and easy and doing it when it’s necessary, whether you feel like doing it or not.
Brian Tracy

Saturday 4 October 2014

"For days to come, it will be the first thing you will think about. Until one day, it will be the second thing."

Reynolds Reddington

Thursday 2 October 2014

Sunday 28 September 2014

Zeeshan

In a chat with a friend, about Islam's position, and the positions of the educated people in today's age.
look the thing is
you need to choose which side you want to be on
and wholeheartedly

Friday 19 September 2014

With you, intimacy colours my voice even ‘hello’ sounds like ‘come here'.
—  Warsan Shire

Tuesday 16 September 2014

Heart

You're my heart. You're the heart of my hearts.

When I think of you sweet smells fill my head.

When I hear your voice, it's like drinking cool water on a hot thirsty day.

When I look at you, it's as if the sun itself came up.

Sunday 7 September 2014

Through out the day, get rid of everything that takes away from Allah subhanawatala!

http://www.maryaminstitute.org/weekly-online-talk/

Saturday 6 September 2014

Zzz....

Assalam O alykum,

Lately, well, about 3-4 weeks ago. I started getting some severe headaches. Right part of the head, above my eye (please don't post your diagnosis or med-advice).

Long story short, (not really feel chatty right now) - started sleeping early and getting up early. So far I have defaulted only twice (only, hah!) once for sleeping late, that was Thursday night, and as a result for getting up late, that was today (Saturday).

Been reading up some stuff on sleep. This area has always fascinated me, and well, angered me. Cause people around me (friends/family) never really listen. My parents back home would give a fuck if I tell them to sleep (or let me sleep) at 10 pm. My friends, obviously, give a fuck too.

I have noticed, for me there's this small window, 10-11 pm. If I sleep in this window, well and good. If someone messes with me, starts up an arguments, angers me, or if I do anything mentally or physically arousing, and don't fall sleep, and the clock is way past 11 pm, then bam, I can't sleep. I can't sleep till 2 or 3, or whatever. Even if I had 2-3 hours sleep in the last 24 hours, even if I had gotten up at 5 am, and had worked out 2 hours.

Anyway, whining aside, so I have been reading about sleep. Found a couple of articles, very nice. Will share them here. I really wished I had written this post earlier than now, I actually have been feeling pretty nice lately, since Tuesday. My workout log shows regular workouts since Tuesday too!

The articles:

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/10/how-to-wake-up-feeling-totally-alert/


This youtube series I listened to 1-2 years ago, I would love to say it changed my life, but it didn't www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jwPKn_9rJU

As a child, I was beaten by my uncle and scolded to go to bed early, that sort of built a negative association with sleeping early. In college, I got the full opportunity of staying up as late as I wanted and sleeping in as much as it suited, so late I slept and late I got up. Sometimes I wouldn't sleep till 8 am, and wouldn't' get up at 4 pm. Obviously, that messed me up big time. Add to that my fixation with staying online and reading crap, and voila! There you have it, a brain so messed up, that no doctor refrains from saying its chemistry is messed up, and every one of them seems to prescribe one thine - sleep the fuck early.

In Lums however, another thing happened. A very positive association was built with morning times too :) The breakfast at pdc was just a ... it was delight. The gym used to be empty after fajr, and so I had the time of my life when I did sleep early, got up early. There's only so much you can do when being social matters to you. So didn't develop this habit, so to speak.

Now, there are people giving all kinds of bullshit. 'I'm not a morning person' - 'My brain works well at night' 'My brain doesn't well in the mornings' 'I am not at my best in the morning'. I don't know about you, maybe you're alien and laws of medicine don't apply to you? Maybe you've become so smarter and known yourself so better laws of Allah don't apply to you anymore? Anyway. My brain - works SO well at night 2 am - that even if I am sleepy, and I get my hands on a puzzle, I can solve it in seconds. Programming assignment? I can do 4 hours of worth of programming in 2 hours. But here are the headaches, that really do feel like they will kill me, and here are the doctors, telling me to, go the fuck to sleep.

About one thing I really feel happy today. I missed my friends birthday party last night. Not because I had a headache, because I had to sleep early. Usually when I am missing something important, but something as 'useless' as sleep, then the sadness just keeps me up (remember the childhood reference?) - last night it didn't. I slept. I feel very proud, that was one step towards ditching all that keeps one away from sticking to what's right. There's gonna be so much more, I am afraid.

Enough rant, been in library planning to study since 2 pm. It's 3:09 now. Still have a lingering headache from waking up late, or whatever. And a gnawing anxiety that I won't get it done. It's this fear of failure that keeps from trying, trying in time, and succeeding. Amazing.

sunah hai rab hai isko kharab halon se, 
so apnay aapko barbaad karkay dekhte hain


Sunday 17 August 2014

“People will kill you over time, and how they’ll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like ‘be realistic.’”
— Dylan Moran

Tuesday 15 July 2014

Towards Maritial Bliss

http://www.islamicspirituality.org/lectures/workshops/towards-marital-bliss

Notes I took. Not summary. (In brackets is my BS)

Niyyat for nikah:

1. Ibadat

Allah says in Quran that a married couple is a sign of Allahs existence on earth

2. Children

Prophet says on the judgement of he will love the people who bring larger families to the day. That doesn't mean that the husband can do injustice to the wife. More on that later.

3. The person may get sukoon 

In our deen it's not enough to be married, we have to be happily married. An unhappy marriage leads to the same sins that no marriage leads to. It's even tougher in those situations.

What is sukoon? It's not just peace and tranquility. Momin knows that there will be worries/tests in this world. Sukon doesn't mean there won't be worries in this world. There would be worries, tests in this life. Sukoon means, that no matter happens, no matter what happens, a person's batin, his kalb remains content with Allah, they stay mutmain with Allah, with Sharia; no matter what happened, insides themselves they will stay content with one another. In the context of marriage, it means no matter what happens, the husband will get sukoon from the wife and the wife get sukoon from the husband. What does this mean is that when the person is happily married in deen then they will be able to bear the difficulties that Allah will definitely send them in this world. And if they're not happily married, then those difficulties will make them react and take them out on one another. (Like we around so much! Specially in non-halal relationships, or halal relationships with non-halal basis/motives). Let's say you lose something, but you have something more valuable, so you wouldn't feel bad. For example, if you lost your watch, but you had a better watch at your home, you wouldn't feel bad. It's like that, that no matter what the husband loses, he will have wife who is more valuable to him than anything else that he will never feel at loss. It means that the husband is so fulfilling to the wife, that no matter what she loses, she will always her husband, and hence won't feel bad. It's much more than the regular concept of being worry-free, or tension-free etc.

Then Allah mentions another word Mawadda. Muhabba is love, Mawadda is affectionate love. It's referring to both emotional and physical intimicay. It's referring to that unique kind of love, love that is placed betweeb azwaj (spouses). That means the husband and the wife they love one another, just for who the other person is. First they've already loved one another for the sake of Allah swt, now they genuinely love one another for who they are. They help out one another, they care for one another. Love is like an investment, your returns are directly propertional to what you put into it. It's not supposed to be a dry marriage. It's supposed to be an affair of the hearts. Another place where this words mawadda is used is the love of a mother for his child. That doting love! But where does mawadda come from? Wajala baina kum mawadda! Allah swt has placed between you mawaddah! This is the barakah of nikah... It's that the person who's on taqwa and deen will receive mawaddah. And the person who's sinning against Allah, a person who's leaving the sunnah, Allah will send this mawaddah but they will refuse the signal. You tell me if Allah places rehmat in somebody's heart, can anybody else take it out? This means that if we don't have have this mohabbat in our hearts, then we didn't receive it in the first place!

The next words Allah swt says is Rehmat. Rehmat means mercy. Allah urr Rehman irr Raheem. Allah is using the same word to describe how we're supposed to be towards our spouses. And where does this rehma come? Again Allah swt has places this in the hearts of te two spouses. They must have mawaddah for one another, they must have rehmat for one another. What does rehmat means? When we say Allah is Raheem? It means that Allah will reward us anyway, He will forgive us anyway... so what does rehmat in the hearts of husbands and wives mean? That will overlook the faults of one another. It means that they will stay in the state of mawaddah despite the faults and shortcomings of each other. Now how many of us this level of rehmat in our hearts? Everyone wants the other to be theri dream girl/dream boy... Do you think you're the dream abd of Allah? The dream ummati of Rasool ullah? The dream legacy of Abubakr Siddique? But we still seek rehmat from Allah swt? So how could this be possible that we're unhappily married! It's not possible! It's only possible when we leave Quran and sunnat. If we leave this, we will be miserable on earth. Miserable. And to be honest with you, I am not a person who gives marriage workshops. It's not my area, it's not my interest. I am doing this out of dire necessary. Main majboor aapkay samnay betha hon, because we've seen that so many religious and striving to be religious are so unhappily married. So many other things we want to teach you that, we can't even begin to teach you that if you've these problems. I can tell you in all these, the problems I have seen here in UK are huge. And compared to America you're Light Years ahead of them! I am doing this out of absolute neccessary. Otherwise the things we have to teach you in this course are too embarrassing for me to have to say! The level of sinister and devastating problems. I cannot even imagine the level of religiosity I have seen in people and at the same time the levle of betrayel! Very serious problems. Serious problems. And because our own Ulema have spent so much time on this, I feel incumbent to share that with you, so someone might be able to benefit from this. So Rehma, means to forgive. To forgive the person when they dont' deserve to be forgiven. You tell me, when you miss fajr, and you say Astaghfirullah, does that mean you deserve to be forgiven? When your entire deens tells you to be pray! When the Rasool is telling you to pray! When the Quran is telling you to pray? So first aspect is to forgive when the person doesn't deserve to be forgiven. Second aspect is to forgive with no hope or expectation of any return. Without any demand of anything in return.

This is what it means that Allah has placed mawaddah between you, And he has placed rehmat between you. And indeed there are signs for such people who can reflect on these signs!

I will give you one example of this rehmat. The husband should think, that when this woman came to me, she hardly knew me. Maybe she didn't know me at all. Or maybe she knew through very limited sharia compliant interaction through her relatives. But who I really was (am) she didn't know, that is what my sins were, she didn't know. She had no idea what she was getting into. Even I presented my best features to her father. But within very few days she knew everything about me. My flaws, my hypoocracy, my sloth, my over eating, my over sleeping, all. And she still stuck with me. She should have actually gone home. But she stayed back. She should have run for the hills. And she has grown older. And maye she has now lost her original beauty which she had. Maybe it's time for me to overlook, it's time for me to not cast my lustful gaze at every young or attractive colleague associate that I have, on every young girl that I encounter in the bus or on the street, and get neglectful of my wife, and lose affection of my wife. When she showed so many years of dedication to me. This is what the husband should think. The wife should think the same way. That when he was marrying me, he didn't even know what he was getting into. My mom showed my best picture to him. I actually didn't even look like that (:p) Special wide angle lense, on some special day. OR that he didn't know any of my bad habits. But he married me, for so many years he took care of me, he spent on me, he earned for me, he earned for my children for me, and now as he's getting older he's becoming a bit sensitive, he has a bit of a temperament.  And as he grows older he comes weaker or senile, so now I have to show some patience. I have to continue my love and affection for him. So if this mawaddah and and rehmat you want to combine these. This means to value and continue to value one another. So sukoon means then that not only are they the source of sukoon, but they're also worry free from one another. Then we can think how different we are. In the homes today, we find nothing other than worry. Dissappointment. Second guessing. Anger. Angst. Anxiety. This is the mistake many muslim couples have found themselves in.

Second ayat.
Allah swt syas in Quran ul Kareem, Hunna libassunna hum, wa anta libasunna kum. That your wives are like a garment for you, and you are like a garment for them. So the words used is ibas. Like a clothing, like a garment. It has several aspects. What is the metaphor? What is the relastionship betwene libas and nikah? Clothing covers our nakedness. Our satr. Allah uses it for libas, because the husband hides the faults of the wife. And the wife hides the faults of the husband, one of Allah's names is Sattar, that is, if anyone of us views anyone as praiseworthy, it's actually we're praising Allah's attribute of praise, because it's because of his hiding their mistakes that we love one another. So libas means that the husband and wife are suposed to conceeal one anothers faults.

Second libas is a protection. So Allah is using this word libas for nikah. Means the husband is the protection for the wife and the wife is the protection for the husband. This means several things..

(Tired of writing down now, Will just kick back and listen to the rest myself. Maybe post it later. Not now)

(I have a feeling I stopped at the most wrong juncture! :)
4.

Monday 16 June 2014

Taha Rafiq

I would like to think I am crazy (crazy is another way of saying I am brave enough and intelligent enough to entertain heterodox ideas, but doesn't rub against other peoples egos) and so, usually, get along well with a very very small part of the society. My friends are very few in number, they all have a lot in common, and new ones rarely make it into the basket.
Anyway, so a few days ago, I was talking to this dude who was the first one in FAST Karachi to get a 4.0 since the 4 year BS program was introduced. And he has written something, and I quite liked it. I loved it. So I am sharing it here. I have been meaning to share it here for some time, but I procrastinate. Here it is:
Everything that we do from the time we gain a lucid consciousness of our actions is forever etched in our minds. We do not remember everything, in the sense that we cannot replay our memories like a recorded video, but it's still all there, tucked away is some corner of our minds. I am reminded of this from time to time when I dream of things I haven't thought of for a very long time, or when I am filled with joy or regret at an action that I did many years back. What this irreversible permanence of thoughts implies is incredibly profound. Any action that we take today will become a fundamental part of who we are tomorrow. Once we have taken any action, we can not remove it from ourself. There is no going back; there can be no selective erasure of thoughts or actions.

The prominent Muslim scholar Hasan Al-Basri is reported to have said, "Son of Adam! You are nothing but a number of days, whenever each day passes then part of you has gone." If we transform our view of ourself from our physical body as defined in space, to a view of us defined in time, then what we do at any moment is not only a part of us, but rather it defines who we are. The old adage 'you are defined by your actions' gains another meaning if we look at life in this way. We are composed of what we see, hear and do at every moment in time.

If we are defined by our actions and our actions remain with us forever, then our minds are undoubtedly the sanctuary where our actions are kept, and our eyes and ears the doors to this sanctuary. Once we let something into this sanctuary, it can never leave it. Do we treat this sanctuary with the reverence that we should? Do we try to guard the doors to this sanctuary and avoid letting in content that will pollute our minds forever? We put a lot of emphasis on keeping away from physical harm, which for the most part, heals after passage of some time. However, the scars of our minds never heal completely. For the best of us, our minds are places of contentment and tranquillity; a place where we can retreat to attain peace. For the worst of us, it's a prison where we wish we could escape from, but we cannot.

Wednesday 28 May 2014

How to read the entire Jeeves and Wooster canon

An efficient method of reading the entire Jeeves canon is to read The World of Jeeves followed by the eleven novels in order of publication. The novels share a certain amount of sequential narrative development between them, and the later novels are essentially sequels to the earlier ones.

Tuesday 13 May 2014

Exercising mindfulness might improve ADHD

Mindfulness exercise:

  1. Focus on a target
  2. Realize when you've become distracted
  3. Bring the mind back to the target
  4. Sustain!
source: Exercising the mind to treat attention Deficit

Thursday 8 May 2014

Some stuff

Some random stuff that I like reading again and again and again. Somehow it feels meaninful, obviously can't go around sharing them again and again on facebook, people already think I am crazy.

Sorrow is too great to exist in small hearts.

Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.

Whatever you hold in your mind, you will eventually hold in your hand.

Sunday 4 May 2014

Mujahida

Mujahida

To do something, when you don't feel like doing something.
When your friends are telling you to do something.
When Shaitan is telling you to do something.
When your nafs is telling you to do something.
And you still make the effort of not doing that, that is mujahida.
Allah loves that mujahida.

Allah takes pride in people making mujahida.

Mujahida has to be made initially. And then it will translate into effortlessness.
Case in point salat. And then Fajr. This is the fruit of constant Mujahida.

If you keep doing it, keep doing it, Allah tala will give you episodes of sabr, shukr, takwa.

At first you have to make constant insistent mujahida, and it gradually starts becoming easier, and it gradually starts becoming effortless.

Eventually the whole process becomes easier. The Deen becomes second nature. The nafs becomes happy to be on deen.

For a true seeker, there's no difference between his/her spiritual state during Ramadhan and outside of Ramadhan. Except that they fast and do taraweeh.

If we're so stubborn that we go to gatherings, and we still don't make any effort. We go for hajj, umra, ehtikaaf, and still won't make effort. When a person gets so stubborn they get fixated on their idlenss, stubbornness, and they waste time on futile or even unlawful things. Then they have only themselves to blame.

In this tareeka, the only thing that Can keep a person back is the lack of effort!

May Allah accept us for this path!


Source: http://www.islamicspirituality.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Time-for-Effort.mp3