On Getting Married

From here.

One approach about How to get married is, first date the person and try to get to know him/her before marrying. Because, otherwise you're marrying a complete stranger. And it may not work out...

On closer inspection, we learn that, a lot of those marriages that are breaking, are not breaking because the couple didn't know one another, but because

When to marry?
As soon as you feel mature enough. Even if you're a student, but there's place for you to keep her, and your parents can feed her, then get married.

After marrying, nobody ever says I married too early, everyone says I should have married earlier.

What can we do to prepare for marriage?
Understand the laws of divorce.
Read a _few_ books on marriage.

It's about expectations. Expect that she will talk back.

There are people who are not interested in marriage.
Some guys think all women are bad, some girls think all women are bad.

Anas ra relates:

Whoever Allah provides with a righteous wife, then He has assisted him in half his deen. Then he should just fear in the other half. 

Although it addresses men, because he (saw.) had male audience, it works for women as well.

... to be continued ...

Review: Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin

Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin by Benjamin Franklin
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I set out to read this book thinking it would be inspirational and life-changing. (I owed my expectations to having read the only Autobiography of Malcolm X — a truly inspirational book!) But it tuned out to be far more interesting and reach.

It's not inspirational, true. But it is informative and instructive. It's a great of book of strategy, wisdom, history, philosophy, even politics. I learned the big Ben's antics that he used throughout his life. He shows like a loving father, how to apply yourself in this world to maximise one's potential as a citizen.

I am tempted to re-rewrite this book as a manual of strategy and power, for it covers a broad spectrum of events an ordinary person might find himself in, and shows him, how to be extra-ordinary.

View all my reviews

A faith not worth dying for, is not worth living for.

A VISION not worth dying for, is not worth living for.

"A person who has nothing to die for, has nothing to live for." —Martin Luther Kind

Characteristics of a Vision

Taken from a talk by Suleman Ahmer of Timelenders.

1. Attainable
2.
3.
4. Clarity
5. Simplicity
6. Scale
7.Nobility
8. Loftiness/Greatness
9. Corrctness

This post is a WIP.

Drink your food, chew your water - part II

Benefits of chewing thoroughly

1. Sunnat
2. Hadees per Amal
3. Sabar paida hoga
4. You will eat less
5. Food will be more delicious
6. People don't judge you as greedy
7. Will get rid of the dangers of eating
8. More engergy

The story of my marriage

Alhamdulillah, summa Alhamdulillah, I got engaged. InshAllah I will be getting married.

I feel like making it a long long story, so I could come back to it, read it again and again, and cherish. But I know, I shouldn't bore the reader with excessive details.

Here's the summary:

I asked my dear friend Faryal Qasim to look for suitable matches for me in her circle. I asked her to use her strong presence on Social Media. She asked me what to post. I thought a lot about it, but in the end came up with this:

Religious guy looking for a girl who puts akhirat over dunya.

She got many responses. She told me about them, I pursed them etc etc. They had a lot of questions. A lot of the girls there wore scarf, and asked me if I was fine with them wearing scarf after marriage, or if I would force them to do niqab. I replied to each one of them, that I didn't want anyone to change for me, I didn't want to force anyone, I didn't want grievances. I just wanted someone, who was already compatible. Who already did niqab, who already wanted to live in Pakistan, etc etc. When Faryal heard my responses, she told me about her friend, who didn't wanna be forced in any way. But who did Niqab. Faryal warned me, she is feminist.

I sent her an email. I discovered, she was not a feminist. But a man hating person, whose reason for getting married was that it was Ibadat, Islamic. After a few email exchanges, and many many consultations, and istikhara, I agreed to go ahead with it. We called her mom.

Then they started doing their background search. They sent people to my village, did their recon. Finally, they came to see me (they live in ISB).

Her dad was not very pleased with a dude with beard and trousers above ankled. But he realised later on, that that's the kind of man her daughter would marry. So they agreed. And in that one phone call, I was engaged.

I haven't seen her. I haven't met her. I have talked to her on text a number of times, and I have talked to her on phone too. But we're not in touch. The Nikah is expected to be in May inshAllah. May Allah put barakaat in this union. I am looking forward to it, from the bottom of my heart.

She looks like a great person to be with :)

Advice for Marriage

Imam Ahmed ibn Hanbal’s (rh) advice to his son on his wedding day:

Dear son, you will not attain good fortune in your home except by 10 characteristics which you show to your wife, so remember them and be enthusiastic in acting upon them.

As for the first two; women like attention and they like to be told clearly that they are loved. So don’t be stingy in expressing your love for your wife. If you become limited in expressing your love, you will create a barrier of harshness between you and her, and there will be a decrease in affection.

3, Ladies hate a strict, overcautious man, yet they seek to use the soft vulnerable one. So use each quality appropriately. This will be more appealing for love and it will bring you peace of mind.

4. Ladies like from their husbands what their husbands like from them, i.e. kind words, good looks, clean clothes and a pleasant odour. Therefore, always remain in that state.

5, Indeed, the house is under the sovereignty of the woman. While she remains therein, she feels that she is sitting upon her throne, and that she is the chief of the house . Stay clear of destroying this kingdom of hers and do not ever attempt to dethrone her, otherwise you will be trying to snatch her sovereignty. A king gets most angry at he who tries to strip him of his authority, even if he portrays to show something else.

6. A woman wants to love her husband, but at the same time she does not want to lose her family. So do not put yourself and her family in the same scale, because then her choice will be down to either you or her family. And even if she does choose you over her family, she will remain in anxiety, which will then turn into hatred towards you in your daily life.

7. Surely woman has been created from a curved rib, and this is the secret of her beauty, and the secret of the attraction towards her. And this is no defect in her, because ‘the eyebrows look beautiful due to them being curved’. So if she errs, do not rebuke her in a manner in which there is no gentleness, attempting to straighten her; otherwise you will simply break her and her breaking, is her divorce. At the same time do not let her off upon that mistake, otherwise her crookedness will increase and she will become arrogant with her ego. Thereafter, she will never soften for you and she won’t listen to you, so stay in between the two.

8. It is in the women’s nature to be ungrateful towards their husbands and to deny favours. If you were to be nice to her for her whole life but you grieved her once, she will say, “I have never seen any good from you”. So don’t let this attitude of her make you dislike her or to run away from her. If you dislike this feature of hers, you will be pleased with some other good habits within her, so create a balance.

9. Surely there are times when a woman goes through some conditions of bodily weakness and fatigue of the mind. Such that Allah has relieved her of some of her compulsory worships during that period; Allah has totally pardoned her from praying, and has postponed the days of fasting for her within this break to a later date until she regains her health and becomes normal in her temperament once more. Thus, during these days, treat her in a godly manner. Just as Allah has relieved her of the duties, you should also lessen your demands and instructions from her during those days.

10. Last but not least, know that a woman is like a captive with you. Therefore, have mercy upon her.