I feel like talking, but I have nothing to talk about.

I could go on and on about my day, or days, but they haven't been interesting.

I stopped working out. I don't know why. Cold? Laziness? I don't know. I can't just shove everything I don't do, or back out from doing under the blanked of 'laziness'; because... what is laziness, really? Is it a property in me that I can't change? Or a habit I have acquired? So out of the blue I just stopped working out because I have a habit of being lazy? Why did that habit kick in then, and not later? Because it got tougher then? And I like doing easy things? Because the risk of failure increases and I am scared of failure? As I write this, these are the ideas that my mean friend, the back of my mind, is giving me. But you know that? I would totally believe except that this time, with this workout thing, it wasn't the case. The workout was tough to begin with, if anything it got easier as I learned and mastered the correct techniques. So No. I can't agree to this line of reasoning of habit of laziness kicking in.

What is it then?

I don't know.

This post isn't even about working out, or not working out, or laziness, or what laziness is... It isn't even about anything. One thing programming, or being a student of programming and discrete maths and logic and philosophy, and being a student of Basit Bilal Koshul has has taught me, is to keep a track of how my argument (if it's an argument, if not, then... view?) is flowing from one concept to the other. And I often realize that I am talking, and not connecting to the initial point (when I have it)... sometimes I stop mid-discourse, and admit to not having an initial intention... and shut up.

So? What was I saying? that I wanted to talk... that I didn't have anything to talk about. That my days have become lazy, pointless. I need a haircut. I am insecure about my hair. I hate it how I lost so much hair when I dieted the last time, now, even if I grow then long, they just look... they don't look like hair. I will get them cut short. I don't grow them long. Whatever.

Two coffees. I have had two coffees since getting up, in the last six or so hours. I was so excited when I had made my first cup. That I would read something. But before I get in to reading something serious from the books, I wanted to waste some time online. That was a deliberate choice. You know, the enjoy kind of wasting? The indulgence? Except that, I didn't decide how I was gonna do it, and how much I was gonna do it. And guess what, I didn't even waste it, it just got wasted. I didn't even do the things I do to waste time! And I wasn't even entertained. Heck I didn't even read any intellectual masterbation articles! I didn't even chat with anyone! I called my mom, and asked her to have skype with me, and even that didn't even happen! I didn't even text back the people I had missed calls from! There was nothing even on facebook or tumblr to waste time with. I guess that's when I had another coffee? I don't know... had cereal. both times today. Had sandwiches in between. Nothing that made me happy. If only I had walked to the Pizza Hut, and had even a pizza, that would have qualified as genuine time waste! That would have made me do serious reading. Mind you, this reading also, is not my course reading.. it's just.. somehow, it's connected to some goals in life. And so, in my heart, I feel that if I do that, I would feel good about myself. And so my nafs wouldn't let me do that. If would say, if you want to enjoy so you can work, you need to do some useless effing thing so you can enjoy. What a loser state of mind to be in! What a loser habit to have?

Oh God. This exploratory post is not turning out so well.

Prayer. Isha is left, haven't offered Isha yet. That will help. That always does. Isha does. It puts me at peace, mostly.

Paper, term paper. I have to write. Still have a good one and a half day for it. Ah... well. Whatever.

Saad...tum bhi Saad.

Post Wake-up Ritual

I often spend time on Quora. And this is my favorite blog there http://thecuckoosnest.quora.com/ But this post isn't about that, it's about this bit I liked, and am sharing it here:

Read Quote of The 7 Bulletproof Secrets to Jump Out of Bed When the Alarm Clock Goes Off on Quora

How do you like it here?

Some more conversations from US.

I never said I was gonna paint all rainbows and sunshine.

E: Humain Lums main milna chahiye tha... main tumhain itna neechay na girna deta (We should have met earlier, when you were in college. I wouldn't have let you fall that low)

With regards to my transition to a rather religious lifestyle.

T: When I used to look at you, I used to fear kahin yah namoona Pakistan ka na ho (I feared this idiot isn't from the same country I am from) I was very happy when people told me you're from Afghanistan.

I am Not from Afghanistan.

T: So why don't you dress up like humans?

Regarding my following sunnat dress.

A: I told my friends you should meet him, he's not that bad.

Again, in reference to my appearance.

Please account for selective recall, given that I reproduce this all from my memory.

Also - a person processes thoughts different depending on which mood she's in right now, so I might have has different moments to post right now if I were in a different mood. Might.

How long will you last?

With this sickness?

The company you keep

When you're all by yourself. You are not alone, there is a universe inside you. That universe has all sorts of beings in it. Make sure you stay in touch with the right ones.

Story of the book

Each word I write drops a little more of me onto the page. In time, I will be the book, the book will be me, and the story will be told.

Sunna prior to Fajr salah

 http://www.ashrafiya.com/2013/10/30/sunna-prior-to-fajr-salah/

In the discussion about offering the two rakah Sunna salah prior to Fajr once iqamah has been called, sayyidi wa sanadi Mufti Mohammad Taqi Usmani (Allah preserve him) said,

‘The authentic saying of Imam Abu Hanifa (Allah have mercy on him) and dhahir al rewaya is also that with two criteria being fulfilled it is permissible to offer this salah. Firstly, it is expected that one complete rakah (of the fardh salat al fajr) will be attainable. Secondly, that they must be offered out side the mosque.

Imam Mohammad (Allah have mercy on him) said that even if not one complete rakah only the last sitting (qaida al akhira) is expected to be attainable than also it is permissible to offer these Sunna .

Imam Mohammad (Allah have mercy on him) added further to the first criteria but not to the second one (that is to offer it outside the mosque).

Imam Tahawi (Allah have mercy on him) added to the second criteria. He said offering them outside mosque it is permissible, however, inside the mosque is also permissible provided it is far away from the rows of the congregational salah and in an isolated spot.

From all this discussion it is clear that the prevalent practice of offering this salahimmediately behind the congregation or few rows away is not permissible according to any of the madhahib.

The predominant (viewpoint) is to follow the original way (madhab) of Imam Abu Hanifa (Allah have mercy on him). The Hanafi researches have given preference to this.  However, Allama Shami (Ibne Abideen) keeping in consideration the feeble Muslims has given fatwa according to Imam Tahawi (Allah have mercy on them).

Whereas, our Hanafi researchers, that include respected (Shaikh Anwar) Shah (Kashmiri, Allah have mercy on him) do not agree. They stick to the original madhab of Imam Abu Hanifa (Allah have mercy on him). That is, one rakat is expected to be attainable and it is offered outside the mosque.

Another issue to be acknowledged is that the permissibility Imam Tahawi (Allah have mercy on him) gave for offering this salah in mosque was during an era when loud speaker were nonexistent and there was no clash between the recitation of the Imam and one offering hissalah in an isolated corner. Nowadays when the recitation in (congregational) salah is being relayed on the loud speaker I have doubts about the permissibility of offering this (Sunna)salah in mosque. This is because there is clash of recitation in this situations. It is, therefore, best to offer it outside the mosque.’

Im’anul Bari, volume 3, page 416-7